Tuesday, May 20, 2008

6 Rules For My Future Children Regarding Sex (Redux)

Poster: Don't be a dick 6 Rules For My Future Children Regarding Sex

1. No sex, at all, until you reach the age of sexual consent in the state we reside in. Outercourse is fine if you feel you are ready for it.

2a. For any sons: CONDOMS MANDATORY. (I will explain this in a future entry) No "ifs" or "buts". If she's on the pill, use a condom anyway. There is such a thing as "forgetting", believe me.

2b. For any daughters: CONDOMS MANDATORY. Pill Optional (along with a condom). If he claims that sex is crap with a condom, then tell him to get one or get a new girlfriend.

3. Using the pullout method is idiotic. See #2a or 2b.

4. Failure to follow these rules will likely result in pregnancy. Don't expect me to pay your child support.

5. These rules may change at any time to accommodate the mother's opinion on the subject.

6. Once you're married or the age of 21, these rules no longer apply. Knock yourselves out (or up in the case*).

*If you're not married at 21, read the second part of rule #4.

No comments: